You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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