He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
