Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
