Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
