I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
