Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
