god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
