All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just pee around me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
