Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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