BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
