Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
