I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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