True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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