I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize