so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
