Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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