Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
