drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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