..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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