Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
