I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
