There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize