conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
