I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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