and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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