I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
how drunk are you?
Several
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
