Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
