Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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