ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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