Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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