Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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