It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
