forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
