Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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