We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize