forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize