I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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