Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
