"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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