Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
