she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
