Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
