Pants 0. Shit 1.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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