im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
