I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize