Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize