thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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