His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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