I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
