You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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