Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
