it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
