So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
