Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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