I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
