Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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