I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
