okay pat passed out under dana's car
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
