I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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