I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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