Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
