Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He is an equal opportunity slut.
two words: eviction party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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