Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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