well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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